Micah's Surgeries Day 3

My heart hurts to see my child in pain. I've wished 100 times in the past 3 days that I could take Micah's place during this whole ordeal but God knows I wouldn't be half as strong as she is if I were! Going into these back surgeries, I thought that it wouldn't be nearly as hard as watching her fight for her life against that horrible cancer and I was right--its not nearly as hard. But it is far from easy. She knows what's going on now. She can tell us where it hurts and how it feels and what she needs--none of which she could tell us when she was in treatment 10-11 years ago, but it doesn't lesson the helplessness that I feel as a parent. I cry when I have to take my 3 kids to get their immunizations at the pediatricians office and wish I could erase the memory of their betrayed expression when you're the one holding them down for it, just like most other parents. I hate when my kids just have a 24 hour bug or fall and hurt themselves the same as any Mom. These bigger things don't lessen those smaller things! But watching Micah go through this, only a few days in has proven way more difficult than I could have imagined. I wish I could protect her from all this pain and everything that goes with it. I pray that God will strengthen me as he strengthens her little body. She is so amazing and so strong.

Sunday we woke up refreshed because of a great nurse who kept everyone out of our room all night and when he came in, he was quiet like a ninja and never made a sound so we could sleep. We both slept until the lab nurse came in at 7 (nurse Ed kept her away when she came at 5 am) to draw more blood. This would prove to be a HUGE blessing later!)
The morning was quiet and relaxing and we switched between watching movies on TV and the Olympics. My friends from high school Keith and Tracy came with lunch and Panera Bread Company always brightens a day! They also brought Micah a bag full of awesome goodies for later, which she loved. Can you tell Keith and Tracy may know a thing or two about what a tween girl is into? Haha:

The nurses and I gave Micah a sponge bath and changed her bedding which was quite the intense ordeal for Micah, but she admitted it did make her feel better to be clean. We can't wash her hair yet to get all the crusty glue from the nerve pathway monitors out because they'll just put more in for surgery #2, but her Nana braided her hair so at least her hair is out of the way and looks cute. Very important detail, you know.
Gary and the kids came up in the early evening and brought Papaw and Grandma with them. Micah was glad to see her grandparents, and I was glad to see my baby boy on his 2nd birthday. :)

Nana and Grandy came up a little while later after the Barkers left with Haven and Stone (thank God for their willingness to keep the kids for us so we can focus on Micah this week!!!) and brought dinner. I didn't have much of an appetite unfortunately because Micah had begun having some disorientation around 5 or 6 pm and it seemed to get progressively worse. By 9 pm, Micah was having frequent hallucinations and unable to get even a few minutes rest. The medical staff speculates that it is the epidural meds or perhaps a combination of them plus the nerve pain medicine and morphine. She also has gone through 4 IVs since Friday and has a pretty severe IV infiltration on her right arm. Her arm got so big that her hospital band has left marks and she had no crease in her elbow and couldn't even bend her arm. They took both IVs out of that arm and medicine was just oozing out of the IV site in the crease of her elbow. It had backed up so much that her entire right shoulder was doubled in size and has swollen her neck as well. She couldn't feel her arm and then had to get 5 shots of medicine in her arm near the IV site as a preventative measure for tissue damage. So sad about this problem that could have been prevented had someone noticed it sooner, however it was a pretty quick drip so it happened pretty quickly. Her arm is propped up on pillows to help it absorb into her body, but its a slow process.
The hallucinations continued on through the night and neither of us got very much sleep. She would close her eyes for a minute to a minute and a half and then wake up upset or confused and disoriented. It wasn't anything scary or creepy thank goodness, but normal Micah concerns and conversations. Many of which I know will be funny later because they were just so "Micah" but none of which were very entertaining last night. For the first time I felt truly helpless because no one could give her anything, even just to help her sleep until it ran its course. She finally fell asleep after midnight for about half an hour and did that off and on between hallucinations until after 3:30 am. She then slept well til 5 am to 6 am and then the doctors/residents/nurse practicioners/lab nurses all began their rotations so she slept off and on til after 8 during all that.

All in all, Sunday turned out to be the hardest day yet. But she is still such a trooper and I'm so proud of my girl. If anyone can make it through all this with flying colors and a smile, its Micah.